Why must i always be invisible when in public. Why is it that i’m only acknowledged when someone wants assistance with school work, or needs someone to listen to their problems. Why is it that no one ever cares for what i have to say about anything. I know life isn’t supposed to be fair…but damn -___- life isn’t supposed to feel shitty for a whole semester. Where are my friends at? OH yeah… there probably weren’t any to begin with :(
I always get the feeling that no one cares about me…I’m always listening to a friend’s problems, but it’s as if there is no one there to ever listen to mine, at times like those, I just want to stop and say.. “where are you, my friends” but I know that even if had the craziness to do..the only reason anyone would answer would be out of sympathy, and not because of the fact that I was a cool,decent, person to befriend. And no! Real friends aren’t the ones that only talk to me when they want help with their chemistry hmwk/tests. I only have 3-8 people I would even contemplate calling real friends…and they aren’t in more than 1 of my classes..which is band…this means that I have a practically friendless rest of the day…people ask why I’m always asleep in class?? I got to sleep to escape the lonliness that I face while I’m in school. Why do I look so tired? Hell, I go to sleep at around 10 every day…if I’m tired…id say it myself….I’m obviously sad….. but I lie, because I know that no one cares. You say you care…but when I start to tell, and actually allow the walls around my thoughts fall down…something “more interesting” like a pencil on the floor will totally derail the whole conversation..and I don’t even finish my first sentence… sigh..no one knows how much like shit I feel when a pencil is more interesting then me actually trying to answer your question. Well..its ok…ill do what I usually do..and try to rebottle the streaming soda known as my feelings..and then stuff the extra sadness others gave me by showing me that I’m less important than a pencil.
